I recently bought a book from popular during its book fair.  I’ve always been interested in books on parenting.  Though whatever I’ve learnt from my parents are put to use, it would be even better to improve those which I think do not apply to the future generations.  Ultimately, as long as love, care & concern, mutual respect, trust and especially faith are instilled all the way, why not improve on other overlooked yet important aspects such as money issues.

Being in a middle class family and not being highly educated, I was always brought up to be grateful for what I have that sometimes I get too comfortable not to strive harder.   Especially in money issues.  I was always instilled with the thought, as long as enough money to put food on the table, enough presentable clothes to wear (as long not tattered ones) or enough money for school, I should be grateful.  Of cos, I was and I still am but I want my son to strive more than I should have. 

Hence the book, The Financially Intelligent Parent – 8 steps to raising successful, generous, responsible children is such a great book to motivate oneself to be a better parent.  It stated good successful people can be financially clueless parents and just because one is not in the higher level of society or doesn’t have loads of money stashed in the bank does not mean one cannot be a financially intelligent parent.   I’ve only read half of the book yet I’ve learnt so much.  The book led me to believe that as long as one is willing to learn and put to practice, one can achieve wonderful things.  It’s important for me too that I’ve done the best I can to give my child the best education and instill the best values beyond what’s given to me.  This book made me to believe that I can and I will.  It made me even more prepared to have another child to add to my family of 3.  I guess when it comes to parenting, though it’s harder to raise kids these days, we have got so much trials and errors written for us to base upon unlike the olden days. 

I’m not sure what the universe plan(s) is/are but movies including the above just seemed too close to comfort.   Snippets in the movie just seemed so familiar.  Story is about a guy who motivates others to confront their grief of losing their love ones and move on in life when in actually fact, he hasn’t gotten over his wife’s death.   With the help of someone he just met and when love happens, things just fell into place.

The movie few hours ago reminded me of how I managed to move on past my first-born son’s death.  Though no amount of time would take away the sadness that would surface from time to time when I think of him, I know I’m very lucky to be able to move on.  A scene where the self-help guru was confronted by the father-in-law for making use of his situation (writing a book and make millions) and then calling him a hypocrite, the emotions he felt, I truly understood.   I too wrote a blog of Firdauz’s death (http://fredahannum.multiply.com/journal/item/98) just so I get closure, nothing more.  I can surely say, I still cry every night after that.   Not that I regretted what Allah had bestowed upon me, just that I was feeling lost, sad is an understatement.  Losing a child after he turned 2 and half months and the memory of carrying for 9 months is not that easy.  Of cos, I had it better comparing to another mothers whom I met through a bereavement project.  One of them, she was about 5 months pregnant when her 3 year-old first born son went into a coma for 2 months or so before his death.   Though we had the same case scenario where we had to decide to pull off the plug of the machine, I can only said, my pain is minute compared to hers.

Another  scene in the movie, took the audience  to see the pain of a father, Walter, who lost his 11-year old son to a fateful accident at his construction site.  He lost the will to move on, his marriage failed, his company folded and most of all, he blamed himself for what happened.  It was found out that he didn’t get to hold his son for those last moments.   At least, I got to sing and hold my son till his last breath.  I carried him to his funeral and see to the last moment when he was buried.  The movie made me realised and remembered how much love is around me.  Love is powerful and it heals.  If not for the support of the people who are precious to me as well as support from friends online, I might not be here.  From my son’s passing, I remembered how he lived even how short it was and I learnt that love is forever and doesn’t end with death.  “Death is not something to be ashamed of”, a character in My Sister’s Keeper  said when someone said sorry hearing about her daughter’s death.  That I truly agree.

The ones whom I gather my strength from..

There’s always a silver lining, for mine, I’m looking at my little Furqan’s face sleeping peacefully now.  Though one child can’t substitute another at least I have another chance at motherhood.  I have to admit the moment I got to know I was pregnant, I was scared.  Not sure if I was ready to go through the whole 9 months, the birth and subconsciously history repeating itself.  With enough support from the ones I loved, I managed and reaped my rewards, lil Furqan is healthy at 8 months now.  I was always told, “What God took away, HE will return something better.”  I guess that’s what kept me positive.  The other thing I have is the lil angel Firdauz looking over me, his daddy and his lil brother, Furqan.   Whenever I’m sad, I know he’s always there with me.  Love you Firdauz, then, now and forever…

It’s been a week after the preview actually been like 9 days exactly.  Yeah, I’m like so slow in updating, been busy covering for a fellow colleague that had left.  Baby Furqan had turned 8 months yesterday so he’s in need of more attention each day.  He’s crawling now and in the midst of ‘trying to sit’.  When we sang his favourite songs especially A, B, C or a particular religous song, he would follow and ’sing’.  His body would move side to side.  Cute, every baby is cute definitely. 

Anyways, back to the preview show, it was a blast,  made me remember how I love to strut so much.  I can’t wait for the finals to come.  I’m so glad I made friends along the way and see people from different walks of life.  Female Nov issue is out last week and I defintely love my picture inside.  It’s better than the one on the voting web page.  At times, I wanna show my friends or colleagues the magazine but somehow I felt shy, awkward or kinda afraid that others might think I’m bragging etc which definitely not what I’m trying to do.    Most times, I’m my own critic *sigh* and hubby always reminded me though that’s a trait that levels me, I shouldn’t be too hard on myself at times.  He told me at the preview, he can see I love the catwalk so much that it shows how much I love it…  I love you hub and to my nephew, Faris, niece Jijil, you kiddos rawk!!!  Sis Syasya, I luv you and not forgetting my lil bundle even though he was having his throat infection.. *smilez*   

 

My mother’s finally out from NUH.  She refused to undergo the procedure and decided it’s after all old age.  My father, sister and I are trying our best to keep her out of stress and keep her happy.  I believe, stress is the number 1 killer in most deaths nowadays.  Besides, the mind is a powerful God-given thing.  So it only boils down to the individual.  I’ve seen how my mother suffered due to lack of supplement, exercise and good diet.  So I told myself not to repeat her mistakes.  That’s why I’ve started to take my supplements like the ONE-A-DAY and SWISSOATS A111.  Not forgetting my Brand’s Innershine.   I’m trying my best to include exercise in my daily regime and eating what’s important only.  Health is wealth I heard and it’s so true.

Now that my mum’s back home and nursing her health, I can look forward to the preview of 50GP at ION Orchard.  It’s gonna be an exciting event.  Few of my friends are coming.  OMG, I’m gonna feel the butterflies in my stomach.  I personally didn’t expect to be chosen.  You see, I never thought of myself as ‘gorgeous’.  Of cos, I have some beautiful moments and it’s precious to me cos I always think I’m not photogenic enough.  Pictures just don’t do justice to me *rolled eyes* though I would have to say apart from the awkward looking pose and squinty eyes, I think I do look good taken by the FEMALE team.   Thank you so much ladies..   I look slim.. LOL….

I guess being gorgeus is not just about the physical attributes, having a personality is as important.  I do believe that, good looks fade but not good conversations.  I have to admit that though, first impression counts, judging by the cover is definitely shallow.  Human nature loves beautiful things but one man’s meat is another man’s poison.  So each individual taste differs.  Btw, it’s a good thing that I got in, this will boost my confidence a notch, not that I don’t have any just that it’s temporarily missing.  I’ll be back, with happy pictures from Canon soon..  In the mean time, have a good rest people and enjoy the quality time with your loved ones..

PS:  It’s so heartbreaking reading the news today about the toddler who allegedly beaten to death by the father.  What does an innocent child like that do to deserve such treatment.  *tsk, tsk*

Finally I get to blog.  After a busy day that is.   I can’t sleep so might as well blog.  No, I’m not insomniac, just that today is my late son’s b’day.  If he is around, he should be 2 years old, asking me lots of questions being inquisitive.  *weak smilez*  Not the only reason for being kinda sensitive, my mum is in NUH right now.  I never like to stay in hospital so I can imagine how she is feeling.  Plus I can’t be there to see her needs.  I’m not entirely a filial daughter but I’ll try my best especially after being a mother myself. 

Above all, I’m still very grateful for the lil munchkin who’s 7 months now.  Btw he is sleeping beside me now.   Gotten the new cammie from our kind sponsor Canon, a Digital Ixus 100IS.  Best way to test it of cos on my lil tarzan, using the Kids&Pets mode…  Definitely,  easy to use and hassle free.  Don’t forget to vote for us..  Oopz, I mean me.. *Gigglez*  To read about my past blog, it’s at http://fredahannum.multiply.com/journal or alternatively, I’m at facebook.  Just search for Freda Hannum.  I’m much an open book, what you see is what you get.

Thanks to Female for picking me to be one of the contestant, I can’t wait for the preview.  Always love walking on the catwalk, not a pro though I try my very best.. hehehehe.. Looking forward to meet the rest and having fun with the experience, stay gorgeous people.  Lastly, Happy Deepavali to all the Indians out there and happy holidays to the rest of us.  Monday is my replacement holiday so it’s all a blessing in disguise at least I have another day off from work to take care of my lil boy.

PS: Happy B’day Mim Firdauz, always on my mind, always in my heart, always loving you.  Forever…