i woke up feeling nervous.  in less than 4 hours, i will be at the coveted place.  in less than 8 hours, the ‘party’ will start.

it’ll be my first time on stage in a room full of people. and this is definitely my first time performing a fashion parade, in the presence of loved ones and friends!  hee…

but i’m going to heed their advice and just be up there and have fun. and it definitely spells fun with the rest of the gorgeous peeps and the female gang.

herewith, i will like to thank the female team (madeline, dee, verna and many more names i can’t recall), for making this happen/ making me look great later.

i will like to thank the sponsors for sponsoring this event. because of this event, i get to know more about the sponsors. (do you know that the new subaru legacy has its engine horizontally thus providing better balance resulting in a responsive and stable drive? do you know that anna sui is not only a make-up brand, they are a fashion and perfume brand too? although bebe sounds like your french ‘baby’, the founder is an iranian and it is an american clothing line? that canon’s company milestone includes reconstruction of an egyptian mummy believed to be queen nefertiti in year 2003 by the world’s first portable x-ray digital system? that ted baker, a british retailer, got around with words of mouth rather than the conventional advertising?)

and there’s many more interesting finds.

all these fashion brands were clueless to mere mortals (read: fashionably challenged) people like myself. and its good to learn more about the known names. now i know why my friends insisted on driving only a subaru (its safety features plays a huge role) and only have pictures taken with their canon (they always cite this; ‘canon pictures turn out better’).

and this competition is definitely an eye-opener for me. there’s a lot of work done behind all those glamour. i’ve seen the female team working on a weekend (the preview in ION orchard last month). i’ve seen their stylist cracking heads, trying to come out with alternatives to make mere mortals like myself look like a model. i’ve seen the event coordinators trying not to get frustrated when things go wrong, and find quick fixes fast.

so who says glamour is all about being glamourous? there’s definitely lots of hardwork and creative decisions being made behind those close doors.

and contrary to popular notions that gorgeous people are a bunch of air-heads, well, they’re not. i would have known, cause i’m privileged to be in the company of gorgeous people last month and will be joining them again later this afternoon.

they’re friendly, they’re genial people and they’re definitely not airheads. hee…

thanks to all those people who have voted me and take time to read this blog of mine.

i will miss blogging here.

til then.

adieu.

love lots,

lili.

‘

timecheck: 0037hrs

the finals will be in less than 20 hours. and i’m not sleeping yet cause i need to finish this book. hee…

am so excited to meet the gals/ guys again. and am pretty nervous too.

wish us luck!

till then. i bade u bon nuit!

‘

being a leader is no easy feat. a constructive feedback may be perceived as a personal attack to some. decisions made may be conceived as some form of a hindrance.

its not easy to be both a good guy and a good leader. more often than not, a leader that gets things done, do so with an iron-fist. i don’t have to name an iron-fist leader. just watching the movie, ‘the devil wears prada’, is enough to put two and two together.

ruthless leader=work being done

having said that, building a good rapport with your men, is also essential. good rapport goes beyond giving them incentives. when it comes to EQ, the ‘rabbit and carrot’ rule, may not work. well, it may work, for awhile. unfortunately, not on a long run.

 i think, every leader should practise the art of listening.

listening=i care

i care=similarities

similarities=good rapport

good rapport=things done efficiently

being a leader is not only about being able to lead a group of people to get a certain job done. but a leader also shoulders the burden to be their voice.

definitely a learning experience for me. kudos to them leaders out there.

moving on.

i’ve ticked most of my boxes and left with only the finals. counting down now. hee…

‘

even warriors have to eat.

we’re breaking for lunch right now. continuing once we have our fill. hee…

‘

it was like a battle field. ammunition after ammunition, fired at us. but falter we did not. we trodded on like the war hereos that we are.

or at least, that’s how i perceive it to be. hee…

the first round of audit went surprisingly well. left with the second round tomorrow. afterwhich, i spell f-r-e-e-d-o-m.

3 more days to the finals. and surprisingly, my friends are more excited about the finals than i am. i suspect, it must have been the prospect of meeting those gorgeous guys/gals. i already have requests from them asking me to take pictures of their favourites. of course, since i don’t own a camera, they are more than willing to part theirs with me.

please pardon me for this rather abrupt ending.  i need my rest for i have to face another ‘battle’ tomorrow morning. till then everyone.

quote of the day;

when love beckons, you follows.

‘

i find it pretty heart-warming to read about her experience when her marriage was on the rocks. rather than taking the easy way out, like most people do, she went against all odds (and advise from friends!) to work on her marriage.

she put up a straight face and trodded on, even after facing rejections from her own husband.

but i guess all that pay off, when she managed to have her husband back and save her marriage.

read on. hopefully we may all find inspiration to that and be motivated to not let instant gratifications rule our life and enjoy the simple pleasure of being in a relationship.

happy sunday everyone!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2

that coveted invites…

that visit to ion orchard once again…

that gorgeous clothes for that one night…

only means one thing; the finals!!!

are you excited yet? cause i am. hee… this time, the fittings were held at bebe, ion orchard. somehow or rather, ion orchard never fails to reminds me of a shopping centre back in HK. the lay-out, i mean. all those big names. i felt like a cast from SATC already. but that’s beside a point.

i’ve never worn anything from bebe before. to a simple girl like me, bebe is just too classy. however, i was surprised to know that they do have clothes to fit mere mortals like myself!

and i will be wearing something that i will normally wear, but with a bit more sophistication, as one of my get-up for the finals. want to know what it is? shh… it’s a secret. meant for the finals only. hee…

the usual people were there for the fittings. (did i mentioned that i felt like a star already?) its amazing how these people can mix and match everything and makes the wearer looks ‘walla!’ ok, at least makes me looks ‘walla!’ hurhur…

merry was there for the fittings too. and girls being girls, we did a bit of cam-whoring. on her canon camera of course. wait up for her post. (if i look like a left-over character from the previous halloween party, that’s only because i’ve been sacrificing my sleep to finish up on my readings.)

and when dee mentioned that her dad is working in a fire station too, i was like, hmm… the world is indeed getting smaller. first, i get to meet merry (she was the talk of the town aka NTU) in person. then i soon learned that my friend, A is also a friend of another friend of mine, B when they saw my pics in FEMALE mag and went, ‘hey, i knew this girl!’ in unison.

and now dee. hee…

so after the fittings, i decided to explore ion orchard more (they are multi-levels. and shops over there are like exhaustive!) and i found ‘rubi’! they sell comfy flats (i can’t live without them flats), 2 pairs for $25! and since i was glad that i am down with one less boxes (refer to my previous post), i decided to give back and bought these cute bands.

its a dollar each, and it will go to those kids in south africa. from what i understand, the money will help to build houses and schools for these kids. so buy one when you do shop there and help to build houses and schools.

on another side note;

this is a pretty cool pair of shades, no? it’s an italian design and you seldom get to find this kinda designs here. i love quirky shades. hee

i look cool, no?

but of course, he looks better with them. hurhur…

till then!

‘

A story worth sharing. . . . . . . . . . .

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. ‘cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for
my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I
had to leave
home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there were
still rice
leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy
child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a
brief hug and
kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner.
However, when I
jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the ‘problem’… a broken bowl with instant noodles and a
mess on the bed
sheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged
straight at my
child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good
spanking! He merely
cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

“Dad, I was hungry and there wasn’t anymore leftover rice. But you were
not back yet,
hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you
reminding me not to
touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on
the shower and
used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for
you and the other
is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you
‘cos I was playing
with my toys…I am sorry Dad…”

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks…but I didn’t want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the
shower head on to
mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a
tight hug and
applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I
passed my son’s
room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little
buttock, but
from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode; I have tried, in this period, to
focus on giving
him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his
needs. And soon, he
is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten.
Fortunately, the incident
did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is
still happily
growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This
time, his
kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son’s absence from
school. I took off
early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn’t to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him
outside a
stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought
him home and
whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, ‘I am
sorry, Dad’. But
after much probing, I realized that it was a ‘Talent Show’ organized by
his school and
the invite is for every student’s mummy. And that was the reason for
his absence as he
has no mummy…..

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the
kindergarten has recently
taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself
and stayed in his
room to practice his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife
proud, if she was
still around. ‘cos he makes me prou d too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It’s
winter, and its
Christmas time. Everywhere the Christmas spirit is in every
passer-by…..Christmas
carols and frantic shoppers….but alas, my son got into another
trouble. When I was
about to knock off from the day’s work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn’t help but to hit him as I feel that this child of
mine is really
beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ‘ I’m sorry, Dad’
and no
additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily
questioned my son on
his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to
ask him: ” But
why did u post so many letters, at one time?” My son’s reply was: ” I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box,
it was too high
for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once…”

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to
say….

I told my son, “Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if
you have
anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My
son, on hearing
this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldn’t help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart….

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a ‘Talent Show’ in school, and the
school invited
all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to
participate as
well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start
to cry and miss
you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to
hide my sadness, I
sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the
shops. Dad was
furious, and he couldn’t help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very
much. Too much
for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face.
Can you please
appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I
heard that if you
fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven’t you appeared?

After reading the letter, I can’t stop sobbing. ‘cos I can never
replace the
irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife….

For the females with children:

Don’t do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be
some kind of
problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback
to your boss.
Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take
care of your
health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way; are you able to work till your clients
are totally
dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this
society, no one is
indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of
your little
precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better
and happier.
Don’t let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing
matters more
than your well being.

Think about that……

‘

thesis [x]
presentation [ ]
work audit [ ]
female 50 gp fittings [ ]

the unchecked boxes are things to be done next week. and after that, f-r-e-e-d-o-m. hurhur…

anyway, the outing with mum went well. managed to do a little bit of catch-up, and hopefully more so, once those boxes been checked.

a friend passed me a good read yesterday; from beirut to jerusalem, written by dr ang swee chai, who’s an orthopaedic surgeon volunteering in Lebanon. a pretty humbling read, i must say.

i have to stop mid-way through reading it, just to thank my blessings. too often, i took things for granted.

while i worry about that pimple on my face, they have bombs blown right smack infront of theirs. while i worry about that chipped nails, they have amputated limbs.

and yet, amidst all that, they didn’t see it as a limitation, and still continue their loves with smiles on their faces.

that strength from within is just so undeniable.

and i should be thanking that friend of mine, for passing or rather, giving that book for me.

good stuffs must be shared. and this is good indeed.

happy sunday everyone. enjoy your time with your family. i am stuck at work, btw. hurhur…

‘

My books are my constant refuge. Whenever I am down or upset, I will get one, turn to the folded pages, and read a verse or two from there. I folded the edges of my books and highlighted certain phrases for easy referencing. These highlighted sections are quotes which I find inspiring or useful for future uses.

Today, I find a need to do just that.

I am not sure what overcame me this morning.

Maybe it’s the never-ending work in the office.
Maybe it’s the endless readings and research writings.
Maybe it’s a combination of both work and school, resulting in me not being able to always be there for my mum.

I think that’s it. The pent-up frustration.

I feel frustrated cause I don’t have the luxury to spend as much time with my mum as how I used to. I don’t bring her out for lunch anymore. I don’t bring her out for movies anymore.

And this morning, when I came home, I was so immensed with work-related issues that a harmless question from her, cranked me up and made me raised my voice at her. On any normal days, it’s just a harmless question and I will either a) ignore it, or b) answer it. But no, today, I answered it, and when she enquired more about it, I lose my temper, raised my voice at her, and slammed my room door.

I took one of my books, went to my room’s toilet and just sat on the toilet bowl, reading the highlighted phrases until I’ve calmed down. I did calmed down. I wanted to say that I am sorry to her, but I was still feeling a bit egoistic at the moment and decided to shower and rest. I will apologises before I leave for work later, I reasoned with myself,

But when I left for work this evening, I still don’t have the gut to apologise.

It’s funny isn’t it? I can apologises to anyone when I’ve make errors, but I can’t even apologises to my own mum. My own mum.

It’s sad also cause I only have one mum, and I can’t even make her day by apologising when I’ve make a mistake. What kind of a daughter am I?

I can be patient when facing difficult people while at work, but I can’t be patient with my own mother. How uncanny.

Best part is, I am still feeling like crap, cause I am still overwhelm with guilt. I love my mum, and yet I can’t say that I am sorry to her. I have only one mum, and yet, I can’t even be patient with her.

Mum, I know that you’re reading my blog. I just want to say I am sorry, k. I am sorry if you have to read this, instead of hearing this, cause really, I am better at expressing my emotions this way. I am a woman of few words.

We’ll go out tomorrow and have a good day.

I love you.

,