‘
i have so many things to write. but i’m quite tired today. so, i shall just share this to ponder;

A story worth sharing. . . . . . . . . . .

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. ‘cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for
my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I
had to leave
home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there were
still rice
leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy
child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a
brief hug and
kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner.
However, when I
jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the ‘problem’… a broken bowl with instant noodles and a
mess on the bed
sheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged
straight at my
child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good
spanking! He merely
cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

“Dad, I was hungry and there wasn’t anymore leftover rice. But you were
not back yet,
hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you
reminding me not to
touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on
the shower and
used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for
you and the other
is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you
‘cos I was playing
with my toys…I am sorry Dad…”

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks…but I didn’t want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the
shower head on to
mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a
tight hug and
applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I
passed my son’s
room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little
buttock, but
from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode; I have tried, in this period, to
focus on giving
him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his
needs. And soon, he
is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten.
Fortunately, the incident
did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is
still happily
growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This
time, his
kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son’s absence from
school. I took off
early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn’t to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him
outside a
stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought
him home and
whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, ‘I am
sorry, Dad’. But
after much probing, I realized that it was a ‘Talent Show’ organized by
his school and
the invite is for every student’s mummy. And that was the reason for
his absence as he
has no mummy…..

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the
kindergarten has recently
taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself
and stayed in his
room to practice his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife
proud, if she was
still around. ‘cos he makes me prou d too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It’s
winter, and its
Christmas time. Everywhere the Christmas spirit is in every
passer-by…..Christmas
carols and frantic shoppers….but alas, my son got into another
trouble. When I was
about to knock off from the day’s work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn’t help but to hit him as I feel that this child of
mine is really
beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ‘ I’m sorry, Dad’
and no
additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily
questioned my son on
his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to
ask him: ” But
why did u post so many letters, at one time?” My son’s reply was: ” I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box,
it was too high
for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once…”

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to
say….

I told my son, “Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if
you have
anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My
son, on hearing
this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldn’t help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart….

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a ‘Talent Show’ in school, and the
school invited
all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to
participate as
well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start
to cry and miss
you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to
hide my sadness, I
sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the
shops. Dad was
furious, and he couldn’t help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very
much. Too much
for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face.
Can you please
appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I
heard that if you
fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven’t you appeared?

After reading the letter, I can’t stop sobbing. ‘cos I can never
replace the
irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife….

For the females with children:

Don’t do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be
some kind of
problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback
to your boss.
Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take
care of your
health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way; are you able to work till your clients
are totally
dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this
society, no one is
indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of
your little
precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better
and happier.
Don’t let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing
matters more
than your well being.

Think about that……

‘

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